Personal Pornstar (1)

 NOTE: 

Before you get excited, 

this isn't erotica 

This is my story

this is my voice 

my collection of unsaid and unanswered prayers

this is the end of my silence

because my body became a battlefield 

long before it had a chance to be a home 


ENVY THE BROKEN 

I envy the ones
who leave this world with their hearts still whole
untouched by betrayal,
unshaken by the kind of pain
that tears you open
and leaves you bleeding in silence.

I envy those
who’ve never had anything stolen from them.
Whose love wasn’t taken
used,
discarded,
forgotten.

The ones who fall in love
and stay there.
Who walk freely,
lightly,
without ghosts gripping at their heels.

They don’t lie awake at night,
replaying the wreckage,
sifting through memories
like shards of glass
wondering if they’ll ever be lovable again.

Their walls aren’t fortresses.
Their smiles don’t tremble.
Their touch isn’t hesitant.
Their hearts don’t hide.
I would never envy the broken.
Because I know how heavy it is
to carry what’s left.


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